The First Year
by TheIncredibleDancingBetty
Summary: Already in turmoil from the loss of his family, he gets mutated, is suddenly homeless, and has four helpless infants to take care of. Yes, Splinter's story told from the very beginning. Splinter POV. Rated for safety. Anonymous reviews welcome. Please read and review!


I Don't Own the TMNT

A/N: I like to try to get into Splinter's head when I can, and always wondered in particular how it was in the beginning. I want to show how difficult it was for the poor guy starting out, going through what he did. These chapters won't necessarily be as long as my normal chapters, but that's just because writing this was more emotional than I had thought. Hope you like it!

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The spasms still rocked my body. Panting, I dug my fingers into the pavement as the mysterious figures vanished as quickly as they had appeared. Eyes squeezed shut, I flexed my fingers once more as my muscles convulsed one last time. Everything within my head swam as if I was intoxicated. Nothing seemed to be as it appeared. Even the pavement beneath my fingers felt different, the sensations on my fingers diminished and my nails seemed so long that they scraped the surface. My entire body seemed numb. All that I was aware of was my disorientation and the feeling of the pavement.

Grunting I tried to raise my head. My very being seemed to spin at the slight movement, a dull pain radiating from the depths of my head, yet I bore through it. I needed to be alert in case they returned. I must not be in a compromising situation. Gritting my teeth, I raised my head further. As I moved, however, it became easier, as if the pain and disorientation were washing from me like water. So I pushed further. Slowly, I rose to my knees, straightening my back. The movement, somehow, seemed freeing. Already, the pain and dizziness that had incapacitated me was waning at an alarming speed. It was only a few seconds further that the bad sensations had nearly completely dissipated. In fact, in many respects my body was beginning to feel like it was in top form.

The very thought gave me pause. This could not be right. Something was very wrong about it. My gut churned with uneasiness.

Just then, as my head cleared, my senses came to life. However, they seemed to overwhelm me. They alley, which had not smelled pleasant in the first place, now seemed to punch my nose with all the noxious fumes. To make it worse it was as if I could single each one out individually. The smell of mold, rotten food, car exhaust, every single ingredient in the Chinese restaurant down the street...

And the noise! Mouthing a silent moan, I crouched until my head was touching the pavement once more, eyes squeezed shut, struggling to gain control. It was as if I had two speakers, turned up in volume, were set at either side of my head. Already my headache was beginning to return. All of the vehicles, the people talking, various electronic devices running...it was enough to make my ears twitch.

Wait...

Scrabbling, I raised my hands to where my ears were supposed to be. All I came across, however, was sleek hair. My heart thudding anew and waves of anxiety swamped over me until my limbs trembled.

Something was not right…

I felt about my head, searching for my ears in a surreal moment, only to find them sticking out of the top like grotesque beacons.

Gasping, I scrambled to my feet, my hands travelling over me. My head. Nose. Ears. Hands. Tail...

My mind somehow blank and swirling with a conflagration of feelings and emotions, I stumbled even as I stood. My tail automatically swung in response, trying to gain balance. It struck a nearby dumpster. The metallic, resounding thud seemed to careen through the air. Gritting my teeth, I flattened my ears with my palms. The sounds still roared in my head, the smells still made me dizzy, and now this. I was quickly losing control.

My clothes had shredded when I had changed. When I felt down my body, I could feel the hair. No…fur. I was covered in fur. With trembling fingers, I felt my head, retracing my ears, all the way to my long snout with whiskers.

I was a rat. A giant, monstrous, hideous rat. After all that I had lost, after all that I had suffered, I now had my very humanity robbed from me by a cruel, vicious twist of fate.

Madly I reached about until my hands…no, claws, horrible paws…found a shard of glass. Grabbing it in my hand hard enough that it pierced the skin, I clamped one hand down on the bald tail and held it against the ground, raising the other hand high.

Maybe I could fix this.

Or prove that it was not real.

Yet I could feel my hand wrapped around the thick thing, feel the pavement beneath its skin. Even as I held it, my mind sent some sort of unconscious signal, perhaps knowing what I was about to do, and the tail thrashed beneath my hand.

NO!

With an inarticulate cry, I brought the glass down on the fleshy mass. However, my tail twitched at the last moment, strong enough to move my hand, and the glass shattered on the pavement, only giving the thing a slight, glancing cut.

Fingers shaking, I searched for the largest piece. Perhaps I could not do my tail now, but these grotesque things on the side of my head…Grabbing an ear with one hand, I brought the shard of glass to it. However, my hand was already slick with blood from where I had gripped it, and it slipped out of my glass. Striking the pavement, it clattered into the shadows.

For a moment I was at a loss. I needed something sharper. Stronger. To get rid of these infernal things.

And then what would you do, Yoshi? Bash in this snout with a block? Shave your entire body? I needed to face the facts. I was a giant rat. I was no longer human. So much had been robbed from me. So many things. Now this.

Fear. I have nothing left. The realization settled deep within me, through my heart and straight to my gut. Suddenly the muscles in my abdomen clenched and heaved. Vomit poured from my mouth, acrid, onto the pavement. I continued to retch until it came out dry.

No. Yoshi, this has to be a mistake. It cannot be real.

Yet I could not deny what I was experiencing.

But the denial, the entirety of it was too much. Everything seemed too detailed, too real. How could I deal with such a thing? Could I? Perhaps not…I felt my mind starting to teeter. Tilt towards something alien, something webbed with darkness.

Madness.

In my mind, my hands…no, claws…scrabbled for footing, for some type of handhold. They scraped at the edge. No, I couldn't. I called upon my training in ninjitsu. The rock that I had always used. The thing that had always saved me.

Then the image of Tang Shen came to mind.

No. Ninjitsu provided stability, but my family…that was where my strength had ultimately come from, something more powerful then I had ever known. Yet my spirit was still weakened from their loss, almost beyond repair. Perhaps I had no strength left. Perhaps this was truly for the better. Perhaps it was truly too late. After all, they were gone. Forever.

Perhaps madness would not be so bad. Freedom from the pain of loss…

I felt my body relax.

I had held on for so long. I was tired. There was no denying it. And now fate had dealt me this blow. Perhaps it was a sign. A sign that I no longer needed to hold on.

The sounds, the senses, seemed to dim before me. My muscles twitched, sending the infernal tail swinging to the side.

The rest of society…they could not accept this. I would be captured. But if I was not aware of it…

My mental hold on my sanity began to slip. Welcome the darkness.

Then a small sound pierced the air. A type of sound that immediately had me on alert, my mutated body tense, the entire situation temporarily pushed out of my mind.

The cry of an infant.

It was then, in the dark shadows of the dumpster, that I saw the four small figures.

Confusion warred in my mind as it switched tracks from my thoughts to what I saw before me. Muscles still shaking slightly, I approached them. Something in me reached out to them, though at the same time something in me recoiled at the thought of my monstrous hands touching soft, pink infant flesh. Yet…who would leave four infants alone?

It was only when I was close enough to make out their details, did I know the truth. They were not infants, at least not human infants. They were turtles. Little, humanoid, infant, helpless turtles.

But where had they come from?

Then, around them, I saw the remnants of the glass bowl that I was carrying when I was attacked. I knew where they came from. They must be the four pet turtles that I had just bought.

They must have been transformed, just as I was.

The realization made me seem lightheaded. One more thing. No!

What should I do? They were like me, horrible mutations, belonging neither in the animal nor the human world. Crouching into a squat, I looked at them closer, my alien tail swinging behind me. They did not look like a human infant, not completely. Nor did they look like turtles. They had their shells, the green coloration of their skin, the hairlessness, and slightly misshapen hands and feet. Their heads weren't the rounded shape of a baby's either, instead they were shorter, squatter and wider. However, their bodies were soft and plump, just like a human infant, with fatty folds on their joints and dimples on their knuckles. On the hard pavement, they were scrunched into a fetal position, eyes tightly squeezed shut, tiny chubby hands clutched to their faces, feet held to the pelvis, their thick toes practically interlocking. They looked alien. To some, they might even be considered grotesque. Freaks.

Just as I now was.

Indecision weighed upon me heavily. They were here, but they were turtles, not human…former human…as I was. It was likely that they had no true capacity, perhaps they would not even survive the transformation, as young as they were. Or perhaps they would have the intelligence of the animal they originally were just like I still seemed to have the mind of a human. What type of care would they require? Maybe…

I shook my head. Why was I even wondering this? I had not even decided what to do with myself. In fact, I was about to resign myself to madness, which they had temporarily robbed me of. The sorrow of my heart, still piercingly fresh, weighed heavier on me than before, almost as bad as when I had lost my family. Perhaps I was delaying the inevitable by coming here in the first place. I would never truly get over them, never truly heal. I was being strong for myself, but what was the true purpose of that? What could I possibly-

Then, one of the turtles opened his eyes and looked at me. For a moment, I was transfixed. Those blue eyes…it was almost as if he could see into me. The corner of his lip lifted for a moment in an innocent smile and he extended one chubby arm, spreading his little sausage fingers in my direction. He kicked a little, which made his entire body squirm just a little bit, his fatty thighs quivering. Moving his head towards me, he made a sound. "Mmmmmmmmm!"

Shaking slightly, I reached for him. Without missing a beat, with a full smile, the little turtle grabbed ahold of my finger, squeezing tightly.

Something within me cracked at that point. All thoughts of releasing myself, all thoughts of weakness, all thoughts of this horrible tragedy that had been wrought upon my body…for that moment, it was completely gone.

Replaced by something infinetly more important.

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A/N: So how did you like it? Before you hate on me for how I portrayed him, just keep in mind that before this happened he was probably still grief stricken and then he gets turned into a giant rat. And I'm not sure, in that situation, that he'd immediately see his transformed pet turtles as everyone wants him to. In any case, I hope that you liked it! Please give me a review, they are the sweet candy that helps me push out chapters faster lol

PS: If you're interested, I just posted a new chapter of my Mike romance and have another, much more lighthearted Splinter fic coming out within the next day or so.


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